This Survivor Story Has Abuse Triggers
“You’re my legal property. I can do what I want.”
I didn’t realize it until years later, but I was being gaslit. I brushed it off and gave him a pass. Things were okay for about 6 months after that other than the occasional arguments. We ended up moving to a different place and things started to go downhill.
My depression was rearing its ugly head and I was almost always upset. I was never interested in being intimate apart from cuddling together. I woke up one more and was VERY sore around and in my vagina. I told my now ex-husband at the time what I was feeling and he said he had sex with me the night prior. I was confused because I didn’t remember this or wake up, but I could definitely tell it happened.
I told him that I never gave him permission to have sex with me if I was sleeping, and that’s when he said the most disturbing thing to me “You’re my legal property. I can do what I want.” I told him to ask me first next time and brushed it off the best I could because I was naive, and raised in a household that was against divorce.
When we got home that night he shoved me up against a wall and started to choke me saying I “better not try that sh*t again or else.”
He ended up getting a new job doing overnights at a grocery store. He wasn’t able to drive, so I had to work it into my schedule to take and pick him up from work.
During this time he managed to injure his back on the job and had to be off for a few weeks. I drove him to get his drug test for the job, and to every physical therapy he had. According to him he was cleared to go back to work, so I took him to deliver his paperwork to the office and that was that.
For two weeks when I would get off at 11pm I’d hurry home to take him to work by midnight, and then either me or his friend would pick him up. On our first Valentine’s day we had a plan to spend it together. He said he was going to go out with a few friends but would be home by 7pm when I got off (got off early that day for valentines). When I came home he wasn’t there, so I sent him a text and waited for about an hour.
When I didn’t hear back I called him, and he didn’t pick up. I decided to wait a bit and another hour went by before I called again. Still nothing. I had tried to get ahold of him for 6 hours before calling one of his friends because I was worried something happened to him. His friend claimed he hadn’t seen him that night (found out that was a lie and he was literally with my ex when I called).
I ended up checking our banking account and realized that he had been to a Whataburger across town (we had one right across from our apartment). I drove there to see what I could find out and there he was with his little group of friends including the one I had called. It was 3am at this time. He blatantly ignored me for 8 hours on a holiday he knew I was looking forward to, and his only excuse was “I lost track of time” even though he knew I had called his friend and saw him on his phone. When we got home that night he shoved me up against a wall and started to choke me saying I “better not try that sh*t again or else.” .
I Didn't Fall For His BS This Time
He kept turning the situation on me, but this time I didn’t fall for it. That was it for me. We stayed together for a few months after this incident, and then we decided to take a small break.
My plan was to just stay at my parents house for a week, but that break turned into a divorce. While I was with my parents my “grandma” informed me that my ex was fired immediately after refusing to take the drug test. I told her that I was confused because I drove him there myself and waited for an hour and a half, but she assured me that he refused to do the drug test part of it. She was higher up at that same location and knew what all went on. She wasn’t supposed to tell me, but I’m glad she did.
So while I was driving him back and forth for two weeks to work he wasn’t actually working. He lied the entire time and I never got an answer as to where he was.
Get Help & Stay Strong
My story may not be full of physical abuse, but it is definitely full of emotional and mental abuse. Please, don’t settle like I did, and watch for this signs. Get out if you can and please be safe.
I am strong.
I am a survivor.
If you are in a domestic violence relationship, please seek help. You deserve to be happy and healthy 💜💜💜