Trigger Warning: This post contains descriptions of physical and sexual violence.
I’m a much different person than I thought I’d be. I’m less trusting, but I’m very strong and independent. I don’t enjoy being alone with men, but I also don’t let them push me around anymore.
There were days when I didn’t know if I’d see the next morning. My father put all of us in the hospital at one point or another. He would beat us, wrap our heads in blankets to “shut us up,” pour freezing or scalding water on us, and much worse.
It’s too painful to type.
His job covered it all up. The courts didn’t really step in. His family didn’t believe us.
We finally escaped and I was able to breathe for the first time. My mother went back to him over and over so much that it destroyed our relationship.
My therapist once said, “She loves you in her own way, but that doesn’t mean it’s the way you need.”
It took years for me to understand that my mom did her best, but what was best for me was to cut all ties. Going “no contact” was the hardest thing I have done, but I have never felt more free and at ease.
There are a few physical scars, but the invisible ones are still painful. I’m still working through those.
I dated the wrong men for a long time. Eventually, I found myself in a situation where a man was physically assaulting me and telling me that deep down, I wanted it.
I fought back and was able to get away. I told myself I would never be a victim again. I’m a survivor.
You can get through it. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it.
I’m now in a healthy marriage, loved by someone who treats me with respect and would never hit me. We are working on our own family where everyone will know they are loved.
You can escape. Things will get better. Make a call. Send a message. Reach out to a DV shelter. There are so many people who want to help and won't judge your situation.
Nikki submitted her story to us via https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/VN6FQGP